A Brief History of Ego Expansion

posted by chip on 2010-03-20 01:07:19
Caveman A: Ooog ug ug og oog ugh!
Caveman B: Ug oog oog eeh ugg!
Caveman B draws a crude stick figure on the wall
Caveman A: Oog oog ugh ug ugg!!

Tens of thousands of years later

Middle Ages Man: Forsooth! I havve news to tell, but it is farr too much troubel to wryte on payper so that otherrs maye benefit.
Johannes Gutenberg: Ach! I have created ze printing press so zat ze written word can be duplicated many times without excessive effort!
Middle Ages Man: Horray!

Hundreds of years later

Eighteenth Century Man: Alas, this printing press is slow and its movable type is maddening! If only there were an easier way to create printed copies of my ideas!
Alois Senefelder: I have created a way to print using a stone as the transfer medium. I call it lithography!
Eighteenth Century Man: Excellent!

A hundred years or so later

Victorian Era Man: Having my work printed takes too long and there are always mistakes. If only there were a way to print things myself so that I could see clearly what it will look like before I make a thousand copies!
Any One of a Hundred Victorian Era Inventors: I have created the typewriter, which allows you to create neatly printed type without leaving your desk!
Victorian Era Man: Capital!

Another hundred or so years later

Post-Second World War Man: Typewriters are great, but I'm still limited to just a few copies using carbon transfer. Having my work professionally printed is too much trouble to make a hundred copies. If only there were a fast way to duplicate a printed page!
Chester Carlson: By using photoconductive methods, I have created a machine that can optically copy any printed page. It's called Xerography (and incidentally, I'm calling my company Xerox)!
Post-Second World War Man: Swell!

About twenty years later

Stoned College Student: Man, typing a paper and then making copies is too much work. Even with a dot-matrix printer, I still have to manually copy every page. If only there were an easier way!
Gary Starkweather (at Xerox): I've invented a photocopier that uses a laser, and can be computer controlled. Now you can make beautiful prints directly from a computer, and you can print as many as you want!
Stoned College Student: Far out!

At more or less the same time

Military Peon: Mail is slow. If only we had a widespread network to share porn information!
ARPA: We have created a widespread network to share porn information called ARPANET. It's distributed so that the Russians can't take it out, either!
Military Peon: Nice!

Twenty-odd years later

Physics Researcher: The Internet is great; I can publish porn results and other people around the world can see it. Unfortunately, there's no good way to present my porn research in a way that can easily and transparently reference other people's porn research.
Sir Tim Berners-Lee: I have created a hyperlinked system of hypertext documents I'm calling the World Wide Web. It will be the world's greatest system for sharing porn research!
Physics Researcher: Awesome!

In another decade's time

Netizen: I like this "web logging" idea, but understanding HTML and updating a webpage is too much trouble. If only there were a quick and easy way to publish a blog without any hassle!
I dunno, Livejournal?: We've created an easy way to update your blog with just a few clicks. Now it's dead simple to let other people know what you think!
Netizen: Cool!

five or six very short years later

Internet User: blogging is hard!!1! i dont want to write much just what im doing k? all i need is a text message worth
Chip Black: GO FUCK YOURSELF.

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posted by Andrea on 2010-03-20 21:17:12
Yeah, fuck twitter. I've decided to go old school and just say my oogs and ughs straight to people's faces.

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All content printed on 100% recycled internet memes.